The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
