The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
