Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
