I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
