Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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