dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize