there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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