It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
