Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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