you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
