He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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