I just cut my nipple shaving
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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