why didn't you poke me back
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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