i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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