omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
people are starting to question the shark bite story
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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