It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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