dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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