please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
