at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
