i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
