Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i came on her dog
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize