one two three fourrrrnication!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
