thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
