She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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