who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
