So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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