i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize