a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
where are my eyebrows?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
