I'm going to jail i love you
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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