My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
