Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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