he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You made out with two different species that night
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize