i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
