She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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