we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
