Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
