apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
