Your tits are I can't wait for
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
