I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
They are going to name an STD after you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
