Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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