if you like me you must not know who I am
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
