I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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