Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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