kristin has been a bad kristin
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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