at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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