Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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