how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
