bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
