So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So squirting runs in the family.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
