He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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