i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's shark week go big or go home
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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