I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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