I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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