sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
are you still at the devil's house?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
