I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
