It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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