we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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