He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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