doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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