Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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