hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
