Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
