I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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