Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
