Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
nutella sex= disaster
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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