This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Boobs are out for the taking
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I am never drinking with the goths again.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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