The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
