Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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